One of the things I have never really gotten over is the fact that through all the challenges of my youth I cannot recall my parents admitting they were wrong. I was looking at a ten year old photo this afternoon after being outside working all day. I was of my wife and children right as I retired from a twenty year career in the Army. My oldest is quite reserved and in many way secretive and I regret that. I suspect I am a significant cause of his reclusive interaction with me and to a lesser degree with the other members of the family. My daughter catches the worst of that as she is much like her mom, caring, empathetic and concerned. My next youngest son is more like me in some way and more like his mom in most. That is a good thing; He is outgoing, fun, full of life. He can also be stubborn and has a hard time accepting that not all things are as they appear. My youngest son is unique as are all the others. He has challenges as a result of development issues and I regret not understand and accepting those earlier in his life. There were times I took my mother approach and just assumed his actions were out of choice and not out of natural inability to comprehend.
To this day I truly do not know why my mother had such a deep dislike for me. She did the “required” things. I had what was needed physically; emotionally that was a different thing. I never understood why, I never received an apology; I never heard the words I am sorry. For my children who might sometime read this. I admit to having gotten much of this fathering thing wrong. I was not right in all things and I am paying for those choices now. A child who is withdrawn, one who pushes the limits whenever it fits, one whose emotions were delicate and I did not treat accordingly and one who is facing challenges because of real issues not out of choice. For all of you I was wrong and I am sorry. It will not fix anything but I don’t want you to carry useless baggage with you throughout your life as I have mine.
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