This past week I have received a few “notices” about my lack of connection with my parents, in particular my mother. As stated many times before we have never been close and on many occasions been hostile. I received another notice from someone whom I have only met in person about a half a dozen times. I finally had enough and called my mother.
Calls to my mother have been primarily me taking the initiative and calling her for as long as I can remember. Invariably the calls are always focusing on who has done something “wrong” and who has not done what my mother expected them to do. The individual names change the individual circumstances change but the general conversation and tone are as consistent as the son raising In the morning. Always one of the issues is who did what with the money they had. It makes no difference how the money was acquired. The movement of money among my family is a topic of conversation.
So I called home. And I had the same conversation I had 47 days ago which is the same one I had last year or ten years ago. My parents have not paid their mortgage payment for over a year. It isn’t that they do not have an income because they do. Choices were made that were at best risky. On top of not paying the mortgage taxes have been left unpaid and the IRS has long since been after their “just due” All this adds to a debt of well in excess of $50K dollars. They do not have that kind of money. Ten years ago I was visiting my parents and spent an entire afternoon going over their financial records to convince them that the bank did not “screw it up” but that they had in fact not paid the bill. After all was said and done I was then told I was wrong as well. Then and there I decided never again will I provide financial assistance. That flagrant disregard for managing money has been passed to most of my siblings, but not all. My mother did not ask for help but she certainty made it clear she was well over her head with debt. I listened attentively tried to respond appropriately and eventually said goodbye and hung up the phone.
There was nothing I could do. During the last 12 months I have had major issues with my house that have forced me to use credit cards well beyond their function as an emergency tool. Major water damage, central HVAC unit failing and foundation issues all conspired to clean out the checkbook. There was and is nothing I can do to address debt of parents especially on order of $50K+ dollars. I am currently hard pressed to address issues of $500. Countless times I have offered to help, I offered to use my VA loan guarantee to buy the house, I offered to work with their bank to reorganize debt. I finally stopped offering. They are in a fix and it is a fix they will have to work their way out of. I hate to say it but my help has not been any help for years no reason for that to change now.
Maybe they will call me next time..No I am not betting the farm on it.
2 comments:
It is so hard not to be bitter at parents who act more like children than parents. It is so hard not to surpress any emotion or behavior that may remotely expose some of your family history in your own life. I will encourage you with this. God has never, ever made a mistake! EVER! He put you in that family, and because of your experience there, you learned a lot and can better the world with your wisdom. Just remember that God can make good out of any situation, and forgiveness is a daily... sometimes hourly thing.
Oh I do understand. And true enough all Gods works are good ones. Now if we can just get the people out of the equation
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